Peace Like A River

Recently, a guest hand-bell choir played a tune that I hadn't heard in years. We used to sing it often with our youth: "I've Got Peace Like a River in My Soul".

I remember earlier three books were published almost simultaneously: "Peace of Mind" by a psychologist, "Peace of Soul" by a priest, and "Peace with God" by Billy Graham. The authors were certainly scratching where people itch. I've said recently that no matter what happens to me physically, pain or paralysis, I believe I can handle it as long as there s a deep settled peace within. It is amazing how God provides this in seeming contradiction to external conditions and obstacles. I really praise God for that.

Today we still sing the old hymn, "When peace like a river attends my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll. Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul." He gives us peace.

Recently, we were watching a PBS special showcasing the life of Quincy Jones, the famous composer. As a tribute to "Q", BB Wynans sang the beautiful, "Everything Must Change". It was so beautiful and true that tears welled up as I heard the lyrics. ("Everything must change. Nothing stays the same. Everyone must change. No one stays the same. The young become the old, and mysteries do unfold. Cause that's the way of time. Nothing and no one goes unchanged.")
Change, of course, can be good,...and it can be hard. Yes, 'that's the way it is.'

When we were still 'young' we served a church in Cleveland. We had been fortunate enough to stay there 11 years. Naturally we had become attached to many people, especially the youth; however, we were feeling called to move on. At that time a bright and lovely young girl presented us with a placque that she had personally painted. Under the golden butterflies, was the inscription:" Lord, help me find my way through the changes in m life." (picture above by Diane Vogel Ferri.)

How we need that help, any of us, as the changes come; when strong limbs gradually become weaker, when staunch independence needs to ask for help with meagre tasks, when hyper energy has to slow to a slower pace, and when some of our gifts become hampered by our handicaps. Then we know the deeper meaning of "Lord, help me find my way through the changes in my life."
And he does if we ask Him.

Memories

I can remember, as a child, hearing my father disdainfully say, as we drove away from his parent's home in Alabama, "Now when we come here, all they talk about is the past". I've never forgotten that and occasionally remind myself, as I age, not to get stuck 'back there" somewhere. Memories are great, and I have the blessing (or curse) of being able to remember details from my earliest childhood on. (Okay, I'll admit I have trouble with recalling what happened yesterday!)

But how do we keep looking forward, especially when we are no longer at our 'prime' and see some abilities failing us? It's so tempting to hang on to what used to be. There is a verse that sometimes comes to mind, that often sends me in a better direction. Paul, who from his travels and imprisonments, knew a lot about physical trials, wrote, "So we do not lose heart. Even though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day." (II Cor. 4:16)

That's it! We lose some physical strength and abilities , but that's not the end of the story. For those who rely on a Power greater than this physical one we have temporarily on loan, there is more than memories. (It's an 'inside job'.) Each day we can be renewed by his Spirit within, and a hope not limited to our present situation.

Thank God for many good, good memories, but I thank Him even more for daily strength to meet each circumstance, and for what eventually lies ahead beyond this temporary housing.
(II Cor. 5:1-10)

The wisdom of little Jon Benjamin

"What condition is my condition in?" I'm not always sure how to answer that. On the physical side things are apparently very slowly deteriorating. (I'm thankful for the 'slow' part.) But in a real sense I'm more concerned about my inner condition than the outer. How am I managing there?

A famous radio host wrote a book, "Old Age Is Not For Sissies". That can apply to life in general, and the walk of faith in particular. When we look at some of the words of Paul we get that idea. How about, for instance, in I Thessalonians 5:16-18, when he asks us to,""Rejoice always! Pray constantly, Give thanks in everything, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.". No easy task. Yet, I agree with Paul, that's the 'condition' I wish to strive for.

I get a kick out of hearing how Jon Benjamin, our little 2 yr. old grandson, sometimes sits in the middle of the floor and just shouts out:"Rejoice"! Where did he get that? In Church no doubt. But how wonderful to get that wisdom from the 'mouth of babes.'
Rejoice always...even when it isn't easy. Pray and keep our minds on where the real power comes from. In everything, find a place for thankfulness, since God IS going to work it out.

Beyond Today

Barb and I used to sing a lot of duets for various services. We don't sing songs today with quite the same old fashioned ring to them, but the message still holds true:

"If we could see, if we could know we often say,
But God in love a veil doth throw across our way;
We cannot see what lies before,
And so we cling to Him the more,
He leads us till this life is o'er.
Trust and obey."
("If We Could See Beyond Today" by Norman Clayton)

In his grace, God allows us to see only that which we need to know for now.
How wise He is! How merciful!

A Hard Lesson

I stood there this morning trying to communicate with an older brother from the Congo. He has had plenty of difficulty after arriving here: finding a job, caring for a large family, learning English. (He speaks fluent French, but my two years with Miss Hayes in college somehow hadn't stuck to the walls of my mind.)

He is one of those Christians that glows. Even though you know times are tough for him, he seems to always have the calm and triumphant way about him. There we stood in the aisle after church, language faltering, but somehow still able to communicate. As I asked him about his situation, with a broad, genuine smile he pointed upward and said,"Only grace. only grace." I knew what he meant.

Many years before, I had sat in an Emmaus Walk retreat. We were singing the chorus:"Grace Alone," when I suddenly grasped something important. For many years I had wondered why God had not allowed me to serve full-time in Christian music ministry. That was my most natural gift. However, every time I tried to move toward a full-time position in music the way was thwarted. Of course, we did use music a lot in ministry, but most of my time was spent preaching, counseling, visiting the sick etc. None of these things were what I would call a natural gift. As we sang that song at the retreat that day, the answer to the puzzle became as clear as day to me. (I don't have many 'flashes of inspiration, but this was one of them.) The words rang true:

Every promise we can make,
Every prayer and step of faith,
Every difference we can make,
Is only by His grace. (See the rest "lyrics to Grace Alone" on-line)

I knew then why he hadn't steered me mainly into my comfort zone of music ministry. No, instead God placed me in areas that challenged me and forced me to grow and reach beyond my normal abilities. I had to learn the truest, yet most difficult lesson to grasp. I had to learn to lean on his strength not my own. Any genuine or lasting ministry was going to have to be through Him. In short, our lives were meant for his glory, not our own. Like Paul, "His strength is found in our weakness."

Here I am again. a guy who was never good with illness or pain looking at a new stage of life and health. I wonder again if all of this isn't also a way of continuing to teach, that even at this point, it is by Grace Alone.

What does it really mean?

The pastor who introduced Barb and me and 'promoted' our romance was Clancy Yates. Although he was practically blind in his later years, he continued to preach and teach in a variety of places. He had been an extremely effective minister, having brought 320 new members into his congregation during his last year of 'appointed' ministry. Although a believer in spiritual healing, he wondered why God had not seen fit to restore his sight. He had prayed long and hard about it, until one night as he lay awake in prayer, he relates that God revealed something to him. He had always trusted in the verse in John 14:13:"And I will do anything you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father" He had read the verse many times, but he, like many of us, perhaps, had overlooked the last half of the promise, "that the Son may bring glory to the Father."

It seems that he is saying that what we ask is contingent on it glorifying God, the Father. (I think I can confess that that is not always uppermost in my head as I make my requests.) However, relating this to healing, Clarence said that, while he still looked for healing to come to his sight, that his prayer would be for whatever most glorified God. If it was the restoration of his sight...wonderful, but if somehow God would gain glory through his faith and trust in the midst of his situation, he would praise God for that, too.

Just what does it mean to glorify God? I am giving thought to that these days. Can it sometimes be the witness of our faith, in spite of ill health, bad fortune, or diminishing strength. Something, (or Someone), led Paul to say of his "illness" (thorn) :"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Facing it.

I wasn't sure I wanted to see it. In fact, I had been avoiding looking at the DVD given us when we visited Houston Methodist Neurological Clinic last March. I guess I didn't want to have to look at all of those patients with advanced ALS, or see pictures of the kind of treatments that are used in various stages. However, for some reason we sat down and watched for better than an hour a well-done presentation of the disease.
There was good general information; tips for care-givers, given by at least some of the people we had met at Methodist. As I thought, it was hard to watch...and after wards Barb and I hugged and cried. Of course, we don't know the exact nature of he progress of my particular case, but the usual process was there. It was time for a 'praise check'. Barb rightly mentioned that I had had such generally good health all of these 74 years. ( I would have thought this to be flip from anyone else, but I was glad she felt that way.) We stopped and prayed together, and reaffirmed what we already knew: His grace is, and will be sufficient for each day. And somehow there will be blessings that come from all of it. (2 Cor. 12:9)span style="font-weight:bold;">

Lost Articles

I'm not sure how I will deal with (or am dealing with), loss. They say we go through various stages. First, denial, then bargaining, next anger, depression and finally acceptance. I am not sure where I am in this process. (I think I would add another category, "frustration'). So far the losses are not extreme. It is mainly the loss of much of the dexterity in my right hand and forearm, which cuts greatly into my passion for playing my horns. It had been such a joy after laying off from major playing for 40 years to be able to get back at it through the church and the Metrognomes big band.
I'm still playing, but sense that the time may quickly come when it just won't work anymore. (I think this thought seems to hurt my wife even more than it does me.) my backup plan, which I started a year ago, was to take a shot at big band arranging. (Our band leader, Doug Oatley, has been a great encouragement in this.) However,now my work on the music computer program also is beginning to be compromised by my bum hand.
Scary on the surface! Where to find an outlet for this need to express myself musically? I know all of this must sound like a small thing in the face of people's more pressing problems, or for that matter what my be yet down the road of my illness; but I guess I just had to express my frustration,,,knowing full well that I can easily forget that God is more creative yet. That where there is a wall, as the psalmist once assured the believers:"By my God I have leaped over a wall."(Ps.18:29)

To be or not to be

For a couple of nights in o boot camp, ( a nine month group studying how to minister in the downtown of Lexington), the devotions centered around being versus doing. In John 15, Jesus makes it clear that any fruit that any of us bears is due to his work and life through us. "I am the vine and you are the branches...apart from me you can do nothing." It seems that our efforts alone, won't get it done, at least in terms of lasting (everlasting) results.

How hard this is to learn. (It almost sounds 'un-American.') There's nothing wrong with working hard. (The Apostle Paul said, 'he worked more than any of the disciples.) However, it's where we draw our strength that really matters.

What does all this have to do with blogging about my own life these days. I guess it's certainly to do with the fact that as we age, let alone become ill, we have to come to grips more and more with, " not my strength but yours, Lord." (And that is not a bad thing.) The fact is that we are at this juncture learning more about trusting in Someone elses power to carry us. ( A good thing.)

I think God surely cares as much about our being as our doing...and can use us in some new, even more fruitful ways, when we have to lean hard on Him.

On a seesaw

It has been awhile since I was on a real seesaw. But I remember the feeling of trying to get it to balance. Sometimes I think my life is like that these days; I mean regarding illness. I believe the trick is to somehow hit a balance between ignoring an disease, (which is denial), and getting so wrapped up in it that it becomes our main focus, (which is obsession). There is the medical routine, the exercise, even participation in research, but it can't be allowed to take over our spirit. There is too much left to 'get wrapped up in.' I notice especially in these Spring days the golds, reds, whites and pinks of God's nature all around. I enjoy the sounds of nature and of my favorite music. The caring of friends continually touches me deeply. The love of God continues to overwhelm me. (If I have to go overboard, that would be the place to start.)

Remember the hard landing when the person on one end of the seesaw jumped off too soon? Balance is a good thing, but hard to maintain. Fortunately, belonging to Christ, we know who is balancing the other side of the board...and he won't let us down.

Sing it again

Our recent days in Phoenix were filled with much music. Barb's Mom, (now 98), could sing along for hours as Barb played the piano for her. (For many years she sang for the Saturday morning radio programs in Cleveland.) It's a musical family.

I'll have to admit that I am touched by some of the old songs. They often trigger memories of days gone by; of family, friends and special moments. For the past few days one old hymn in particular has been running through my brain, especially as I was waking up. "Because he lives I can face tomorrow,
Because he lives all fear is gone,
Because I know he holds the future,
And life is worth the living, just because he lives."
Almost like Scripture, our worship hymns often bring a message that keeps on
singing within. The heart draws on them again and again as needed, chasing
away doubt and fear....Because he lives!

Being ready

Recently, a man whose father had suffered with AlS, was asked what one word of advice he would give to anyone with this today. The man thought only a moment, and then said, "Anticipation!"

His father had this problem in a day when there were very few devices to help with the handicapping issues that come with the disease. He said, his dad would try to 'anticipate' what the next step in the process of the ailment might be. Then he would seek out someone who knew how to invent some kind of a device to handle the issue. (i.e. a plastic brace for a leg etc.). He was always anticipating.

There is a certain kind of anticipating that none of wants or needs to do; for instance, always thinking about the consequences of a particular ailment. But there is wisdom in being ready for what lies ahead.

This can be said in the spiritual life, as well. We need to be ready to serve and to share our faith. However, even more importantly, we need to be ready to close this preface to life we are dealing with now, move on to the main chapter, and meet the One who has always been there...the One to whom we are finally responsible. Amos 4:12, that verse that we are used to seeing along the highways, is really more than a road sign about preparing to meet God. It is an urging to anticipate, to be ready for what each of us will experience. Personally I'm thankful for the good news of His mercy in the cross. That makes all the difference in the world.

The Secret

Some things stick with you over the years. This old poem by Ralph Spalding Cushman has been one of those items.

THE SECRET
I met God in the morning
When the day was at its best,
And His Presence came like sunrise,
Like a glory in my breast.

All day long the Presence lingered,
All day long He stayed with me,
And we sailed in perfect calmness
O'er a very troubled sea.

Other ships were blown and battered,
Other ships were sore distressed,
But the winds that seemed to drive them,
Brought to us a peace and rest.

Then I thought of other mornings,
With a keen remorse of mind,
When I too had loosed the Moorings,
With the Presence left behind.

So I think I know the secret,
Learned from many a troubled way:
You must seek Him in the morning
If you want Him through the day.

The right choice

When your young and green and ready to find a mate, you sometimes look for the wrong things. How often do we ask, how will this person's character and personality work over the long haul? Especially, when that long haul includes "for better or for worse."
I've always known what a gem I got when Barb said, "I do", but more recently that diamond like character of hers has become even more clear. The words I use to describe her, (pardon my sentimentality), would be: encouraging, unselfish, determined, giving, tender, thoughtful; in brief 'a rock'. God sure knew what he was doing when he fashioned her, and certainly knew what I needed when he allowed her to come my way.

Perfect peace

"In high school I was far from God. I had come to faith as a 12 year old, but I lacked any spiritual support. So after a couple of years I began to want to join the 'crowd', and turned my back on what I had found. However, by the time I entered college at UK, I began to realize how deeply empty my life had really become. (I had a good job in a well-known band, my dating life was fine, I had been a member of one of the social clubs in high school, but there was still a huge hole inside.)

I was definitely in a seeking mode. At that time there was a book that had become a best seller. Today I wouldn't say it was a very deep book, but it had some of the basics that I needed. It was Norman Vincent Peale's, "The Power of Positive Thinking." There I began to see how faith and prayer were a reality. I began also to notice differences in what was going on in and around me when I prayed. Gradually, God was drawing me back to himself.

The rest, for me, is history. A young pastor drew me ,(and our band leader), into his small congregation. (It is now Centenary UMC with over 2000 members.) From there came a call, Asbury College, meeting and marrying Barb etc.)

What drew me back to this story was seeing the verse again that was a part of one of Peale's booklets. It's the verse:"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you..."(Isaiah 26:3) The promises of Scripture have great power. In good and bad times, when we keep our minds fixed on him, his power, and his love, peace naturally follows. Keeping our minds there will take work, but it is more than worth it.

Why not me?

It's easy to join the crowd that asks, “Why me?” But I’ll have to say, I have never really asked that question. When I look at all the affliction and oppression, of even children, in our world, I have to say, “Why not me?” It's a broken world we live in. I’m convinced that our health problems come from pollution or poor health habits, genes or germs, or even mistreatment by others; not some divine conspiracy. I’m assured of this by the character of the One who we know came to save and not to destroy. The real question then becomes not WHY, but HOW? Which leads me back to a verse that has guided me again and again for over 50 years :”I am able for all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Phil. 4:13) It is still true.

It is said that, "A brave person dies only once, while a coward dies a thousand times over." My wife says I have a vivid imagination. You see, it's too easy for me to picture things that can happen in the future. The result is that I tend to be a 'thousand times over' kind of guy. Of course, that amounts to a spiritual cul-de-sac.

It's a matter of focus. What are we going to look at and concentrate on. Better, on Whom will I fix my attention each day.

Frances Havergal, who composed the old hymn, "Take my life and let it be...", wrote two months before composing that piece, "I just yielded myself to Him, and utterly trusted Him to keep me."
I think that's what it takes...and the "Take my life" , (body and soul), is certainly a daily step.

Deeper joy

I used to drive my college roommate crazy by hopping out of bed each morning and quoting, "This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it." He would moan from the top bunk, probably trying to think of how he could get even.

It's hard to be joyful when things aren't going well. But I have found that joy isn't about outward circumstances. It isn't happiness as we usually define it. Joy is something deep within, a fruit of the Spirit, that stays even when things get tough.

Somebody has said, "Joy is a choice." I hope I can keep on learning that lesson.

A Touch of Kindness

In the past few weeks, when I was speaking with someone, I occasionally would tear up slightly.
I imagine they thought this might be from fear or from self-pity. What was happening, though, was that I was being deeply touched by the kindness of that person. It moved me that they cared about the situation.

It is amazing how much just a touch of kindness can make a difference in people's lives. No wonder it is listed as one of the 9 fruits of the Spirit, along with love, joy, peace, patience, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23)

Life changes, but....

After you get over the initial shock of hearing that you have a progressive disease, you want to let your loved-ones and close friends know about it . You want their support through love and prayers. However, soon you realize that you don't want to stop there. That is, you don't want to just be tagged as that 'person' who has a particular illness. You really want to get back to the routine of just living your life as normally as possible.

A close relative of mine has set a great example for me. Upon learning of a the presence of symptoms of a serious disease, he proceeded to go forward with his life as usual. That was around ten years ago. He has gone on to new heights in his career and in his plans for a family.

This takes courage, (and, of course, a whole lot of support from friends and a dear wife.) Christ give us reason in all kinds of situations to keep going forward, when he says, "Be courageous! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

Day-tight compartments

A friend told me recently, that when his loved one was seriously ill, one of the biggest battles they had to fight was the battle with "What if". It is so easy to let our minds wander to pictures of the worst case examples of our particular disease. And it is a daily fight.

How important the words of Jesus in Matthew 6:34 have become to me lately. "So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today." He preceded this with a reminder of how God takes care of all creation, and would certainly take care of us.

What seems so simply said becomes profoundly true as we test it out in our lives. As E. Stanley Jones used to put it, "We need to live in day-tight compartments."

Daily help

It seems like each day the Lord provides something of encouragement through his Word. Today, my wife, Barb, shared this verse with me that had spoken to her in her morning quiet time.

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid for I am your God.
I will strengthen you; I will help you with My righteous right hand."
(Isaiah 41:10)

Even when our own hands cannot hold on tight. His will be sufficient.

A reason to start

A few days ago a friend of mine suggested that I begin a blog. He felt that since I was going through some potentially serious medical changes in my life, blogging could be helpful to me, and even for others. There are bound to be new challenges and discoveries that come during these next days and months.

I imagine, I will mainly share some personal reflections, along with items from others that have been helpful to me in dealing with the day to day. I'm not sure whether this will be daily or occasionally, but let's see where it goes from here.